It's been quite a process transitioning into our roles as business owners.  Curt and I both have a tendency to be perfectionists at all we do.  Sometimes I can be overly critical, mostly at myself.  So needless to say, it's been a battle to do a good job at our new role without letting that perfectionism overtake me.  

My biggest struggle has surprisingly come in the form of our manager who has been overseeing our business since the previous owner.  Originally our plan was to continue letting her manage the business with limited involvement from us.  But when we actually took over the business, it became apparent that this would not work, mostly because there were so many things broken, including the management style. The situation is a bit sensitive to say the least.  Our manager is very competent in many ways, but she has a style of running things that is very different than what we envision for our business.  I also see a lot of pride and perfectionism in her, which reminds me of myself... a part of myself that I would rather surrender.  So the temptation to fall into a pattern of criticism of others and myself is one I face as I interact with her daily.  Today, I almost lost it as she stood there telling me all the things she had observed in Curt and I that we should change.  "You shouldn't be..." "You should be..."  she listed observation after observation.  I don't profess to be a business whiz, but I do believe that we've been equipped for the job we have, and we've been encouraged by those who have seen an improvement in our business since we took over, and we have tried to be sensitive in the changes we've made so as not to seem critical of her.  Yet there she was with criticism in hand, basically saying that we weren't being good enough.  It was the voice I didn't need to hear as the temptation toward perfectionism loomed overhead.  I didn't blow up at her, but I think I was visibly irritated.  At that point, she told me to take it slowly; from her experience, things like this take time.  Things like what...Perfection?  No.  That doesn't take time.  It takes grace.  

Grace is what I need right now.  As I came home from a long day at the business, my conversation with our manager ran over and over in my head.  I hadn't been that irritated in a long time, and it bothered me... mostly because I knew that it was my pride that was hurting most. I couldn't take that a 23 year-old looked down on my ability to be competent at my job.  It's a tricky situation with me being a boss and yet wanting to be servant-hearted and humble like my Master.  In times like these though, I realized, I don't need to look at others for blame, or even at myself.  I need to look at the ultimate example of the Humble King.  I don't know how He wants me to go forward in this situation, but if I have Him, I'm not so afraid to face tomorrow and my soul is at peace.  
 





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